February 14th – a day many come to dread as convenience stores aggressively turn pink and red, and people scramble for last-minute dates over Snapchat. But if you’re sitting at home, swiping past Instagram stories of dinner dates and hard launches, don’t worry. Vogue has declared having a boyfriend embarrassing. 

     In October 2025, Vogue published an article titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?”, which became increasingly controversial all over TikTok and social media sites. The piece says things like “being partnered up doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore” and that there’s a growing sense online that openly having or even talking about a boyfriend is cringe or unlikable. This is in reference to social media influencers losing followers when they publicize their relationships or getting more attention when living “their best single life.” Vogue highlights how the traditional relationship can contradict the modern feminist values of being independent and the idea of a clear future centered on autonomy without partnership.

     So discussion over, right? Boyfriends are now embarrassing, no one needs a man to buy them flowers, and honestly, Galentines is a better aesthetic than most men could come up with. But is this really about boyfriends or the bad relationships that are no longer worth pretending about?

     While this growing discomfort of women in relationships is clear, it has less to do with feminism and more with the constant inconsistency and shortcomings of the typical “boyfriend.”  Social media posts you’ll see on social media are girls hoping to find a boy who is kind and emotionally present, rather than an actual relationship like that. In fact, most are about one’s past traumatic experiences, to do with forgotten anniversaries or even infidelity. This pattern is extremely clear in those relationships that have to do with the younger generations, and specifically high schoolers. Much of this bad outlook is from young women with current disappointing experiences, realizing that the gratification they were searching for more reliably comes from the rise of their own self-esteem. But what if that was the mindset that young people started with?

     Aurora Lung, a junior, said,  “It is not that a boyfriend is inherently embarrassing, but the feeling, the need to tie your identity to him…[like] devoting your time to him to the point of neglecting your friendships, is a pretty embarrassing position to put yourself in…don’t forget to be your own person.” 

     What Vogue explains in influencer culture mirrors what we see now in the younger dating scene. This issue revolves around the fact that high schoolers put a lot of emphasis on relationships and the intricacies of being in one. The urgency of wanting the promposal and the Valentine’s date pushes people into relationships that they are not ready for, and they end up settling for someone in the name of convenience. While it’s easy to criticize the other side, this also puts an unfair expectation on men themselves. Not every teenage boy is going to know how to communicate, have emotional awareness, and make kind gestures ( not to be confused with a boy who is unwilling to learn). The issue isn’t inexperience, it’s a lack of searching for something real and meaningful in place of a status symbol. At the end of the day, relationships are partnerships, and while I’m all for the freedom of women away from constant dating, this wave of liberty is causing a social stigma around wanting romance at all.

     It’s hard these days to be talking about a crush without being labeled “boy-crazy” or “desperate.” People tend to engage most with the gossip and drama that inevitably surrounds relationships, and over time, some even begin to find gratification in constantly talking about that aspect of their lives. But the truth is, relationships don’t actually matter as much as we insist they do. They are just one part of a person’s life, not the defining storyline.  We should be able to balance the scales between celebrating love and not losing yourself in making it who you are. Creating a battle between the two takes away the equal importance of finding a loving partner and personal fulfillment, turning connection into a performance. 

    “When we find love, we want to hold onto it…however, what I think is important to remember is that at this age…you are still learning things about yourself, life, love…who you are now does not determine the person you become, nor does it measure your worthiness of love.” said Lung.

     So this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re getting flowers, buying them for yourself, or ignoring the holiday altogether, remember that no one’s life becomes more interesting just because there’s a candlelit dinner involved.