SNL Stars Hans and Franz Advice to MV Students – March 1990

Anthony Santa Maria, Staff Writer

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     ***Article taken from a 1990 El Mestengo, the predecessor to the Stampede*** 

     In this issue of El Mestengo, international bodybuilding champions of Saturday Night Live, Hans and Franz wrote a personal advice column to MV students. Hans and Franz were happy to help give advice to poor, dumb, high school students. A Blackhawk teenager asked how Hans and Franz  ‘score’ with strong, buffed-up beauties and how he could do the same.

     Hans and Franz said, “ Listen to me now and hear me later, mister Blackhawk man: no way you could get a girl with so many muscles in the buttocks region. Ya. You should be happy with one of those little wimpy, flabby, girlie women with the faked pumped up muscles instead. Ya.”

     A male member of the Monte Vista dance class wrote to Hans and Franz upset about the bad rap they give male dancers. The SNL stars responded in their usual arrogant manner saying that male dancers were just ‘girly men’ and stressed how they were much more muscular than they were.

     Another MV student wrote to Hans and Franz doubting that their muscles were real and saying that they were just balloons and padding underneath their shirts. The two men responded with an outrage calling the MV student a ‘girly man’ who was just jealous of their fast cars, expensive women, and big muscles. The two “bodybuilders” ended their letter of advice reminding  MV students to “pump–ker-SLAP! — you up!

    Hans and Franz first appeared in 1987 on the popular late-night comedy show, Saturday Night Live. They were fictitious Austrian brothers and the “cousins” of the real-life bodybuilder, Arnold Schwarzenegger. The two were portrayed by actors Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon. Their frequent SNL skits became a fan favorite and are still one of the most popular in Saturday Night Live history. In recent years they have appeared in commercials for State Farm with NFL star, Aaron Rodgers, and continue to use their classic catchphrase, “Pump (Clap) — You Up!”

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