Courtesy of Tiger Newspaper
PDA—Public Displays of Affection. A glorious phenomenon spreading throughout Monte Vista like a romantic disease, one full of love and teenage hormones.
One yearns to see couples at the top of the 200 building gazing into each other’s eyes, lost in the moment while whispering cheesy endearments to each other. It is so refreshing to watch two students so irrevocably enamored, exchanging saliva. Hundreds of particles of bacteria coexisting between two mouths for a passionate few seconds, or more if they please.
A relationship is the greatest achievement for a high school student and it should be flaunted to the world.
The sight of two students wrapping their arms around each other in the Student Center is exactly the kind of motivation students need to pursue a romantic relationship. Forget about actually learning in school; school should be utilized as a mating ground.
The American school system needs more practical classes. Who cares about Algebra? This school needs integrated affection courses like Love 101 and Honors Kissing. The advanced classes should have hands-on experiences where students in the class can practice the values the class teaches: initiating contact, courting a partner, osculation, etc.
As opposed to students being taught the school’s current chemistry curriculum, topics such as aphrodisiacs and hormones should be incorporated and discussed. Learning about oxytocin, a hormone involved in sexual activity and relationship-building, is crucial to students’ understanding of how one should behave in an everlasting relationship.
Aphrodisiacs, like chocolate, should be incorporated into the school’s lunch and snack menus to promote romantic affairs between students. It’s a shame that the school doesn’t care about supporting students in their pursuit of erotic connections.
Monte Vista students know that they can find their life-long partner among the school’s population of 2,345. High school love is eternal, and the relationships built there are unbreakable.
Many thought that with the enforcement of COVID-19 regulations, PDA was sadly nearing its end. Luckily, the fortitude of high school relationships remained strong enough to overcome the six-foot distance protocols by stepping past that line. COVID-19 and safety precautions obviously do not exist between two students canoodling with each other. Yes, millions of people are dying due to the virus, but what significance does that hold in the face of undying high school relationships? Romantically exchanging bodily fluids is so much more important than staying safe from COVID.
Who doesn’t love pretty disgusting…public displays of affection? Students at Monte Vista should be taking more action to implement this practice in our school’s culture and curriculum.